Struggling to Understand

I haven't felt like writing lately, I don't know what it is... just so much going on that I don't want to emotionally vomit my problems online maybe?

But today I'm just being bombarded by other peoples' good news and I'll have to confess, it's a little frustrating. I know it's a common frustration with Christians to see non-Christians lives' going so smoothly, while ours is not, and to be a little jealous. I'm totally there today. It IS upsetting sometimes to see all these people, who aren't Christians, having children when you cannot, having successful marriages when yours is not, having tons of friends when you're struggling making/keeping any, have tons of money when you don't, etc and etc. The list goes on and on of things one may have that the other may not have but want.

Jealousy and resentment set it when you start to meditate on those, and it's apparent to me today that that will be me if I don't stop to remind myself that those people aren't TRULY happy. They can experience some of life's great moments, but they will never experience true joy without Christ. So I just have to keep walking my walk and hope that God will come thru and allow me to have some of those same wonderful experiences, but knowing that I have His presence makes it much more lovely.

I've been convicted a lot lately on how to love someone, brothren or not, simply because God calls me to. It's SO hard I'll tell ya! That concept has been very foreign to me, where it's been expected that you only get love, if you give love. And quite honestly, it upsets me that that's been so easily engrained in my mind, because I WANT to do what God tells me to, I want to please Him and obey Him. So I'm struggling with the fact that I have to love someone even though they seem unloveable in my eyes.

Grasping the concept that God loves us just the way we are, even as failures and sinners, is a major difficulty for me. Living, feeling like you're never good enough (perhaps with some of the stipulations above as a beginning list of "worthiness"), you don't think anyone can love you, not even God. So my journey continues - understand God's unconditional love. Unconditional being the hardest part of realize.

But I know that once I understand God's love, I can extend it to others, even knowing that they aren't good enough, that they are sinners, that they haven't given me anything in return or first. Once I am able to do that, I think I will care less about what others have, but will be thankful just for what I have at this moment, because in the end, that's all that I need. God knows each of our lives best. He doesn't want us to be jealous or resentful that others have something we don't, because He gives us everything we need and we should be satisfied with that, and even praise Him for it.

Galatians 1:10