Sometimes there are moments in my life that just require me to walk away. But that doesn't always happen. I feel that tug, that lingering desire to stay and endure the pain.
What makes someone want to argue til they're blue in the face? Til feelings are hurt and words can never be replaced? Why? Why cause yourself that pain and guilt knowing that you can't take back all those hurtful things you said and did? I don't understand it and yet I get caught up in it ever so often. Giving and recieving.
It never really matters if it's with a friend, a family member, my spouse, or sometimes even the kids. But I feel like I can't control this urge to defend myself when I'm wrong, but even when I'm right. Why should what someone else says matter to me if I know I'm right? Why should I even let them rouse me and ruin my day? On the other end, what good am I doing arguing if I know I've done something wrong.
Lately it feels like I've been more on the arguing-when-I-know-I'm-right side. The side where it doesn't matter WHAT I do, the other person thinks it's wrong. I can talk and talk and try to convince them that I'm right or that I didn't do anything wrong, but it doesn't matter. Nothing works. I don't understand why I even try. Why waste my energy? I should just walk away.
But I can't just walk away! How do I just walk away when I feel I'm the one with the short end of the stick? How do I tell myself to let it go when I'm paying a price for something I didn't do? or being demeaned? or having my heart ripped right out of my chest?
I just finished reading the last book in the 5 book series A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers (awesome book btw), the one about Mary. And it really got me thinking that perhaps I would've reacted to Jesus the same way everyone else did - with false hopes and disappointment and anger. Would I have been upset just like them that I wasn't going to be saved like I thought? that the plans weren't how I thought?
Is that what this is about? Life not going how I thought it would, people not treating me with the respect I thought they would, people not understanding me, people not caring about me, people not loving me the way I thought they would. But isn't that what Jesus must've felt? He was coming to save us all and here we were, not doing ANY of the above. So I can see both sides, very clearly now more than ever!
Maybe I'm getting off topic here, but I really feel like there's only one person who can understand me and that's Him. When I just need to walk away, I ought to pick up my boot straps and meet Him in a quiet place and let out all my fears, hurts, frustrations, etc. I know he's there to listen and comfort, but so little do I actually recieve what he's offering me. I get too caught up in self pity and sadness, that I forget about His sacrifice.
God please remind me daily to stay close to you and treasure your promise to me. Life is nothing without you!!!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Motivation and Healthy Living
Lately, I've been feeling really plagued by the way we live. Our daily chaos, our inability to have a structure, or even something resembling a routine. Our lack of something as simple as a home cooked meal. Our lack of motivation. My lack of motivation.
What is it that makes me wake up with no determination? How can I wake up after sleeping for 10+ hours and still feel empty. I can barely get myself to get out of bed, let alone do anything that's required of me throughout the day.
Now that is usually one day in a 2 week period that I have abundant amounts of energy and get everything on my list accomplished and usually even more! But those days are very few and far between.
I'm not asking to have those kinds of days everyday, but I question if the foods we eat, the routine we don't have and the lack of simple daily living is affecting me.
I've been inquiring from a lot of people lately about the effects of eating healthy. If you know me, you know that eating healthy is NOT on my priority list. If it looks good, I will eat it. Often I don't put two and two together that when my kids are cranky or when I have a headache or when I have a lack of energy, that it might be contributed to the foods we eat.
But if I have a lack of energy to even cook, how can I have the motivation to cook a whole MEAL, let alone a healthy one? It's a vicious cycle. One I hope to be breaking in the near future.
I so badly want to get this thing under control and feel content with life, even though I know it's ever changing. It's not that I'm not happy with my life, it's that I know I could be happier. And the worst part is, it's all under my control. I wish there was a magic pill that would give me energy, motivation, determination, a sense of healthy living, a set routine, stronger faith, stability, gentleness, patience, higher metabloism ;), desire and self control. Is there such a thing?
I know in time, as this just eats at me, I will have 2 choices - a) do something about it or b) do nothing. Right now I'm in the beginning stages of caring enough to even think about it, so I hope and pray in time I will have the determination to get this all figured out. Surely, going back to bed won't fix anything haha!
What is it that makes me wake up with no determination? How can I wake up after sleeping for 10+ hours and still feel empty. I can barely get myself to get out of bed, let alone do anything that's required of me throughout the day.
Now that is usually one day in a 2 week period that I have abundant amounts of energy and get everything on my list accomplished and usually even more! But those days are very few and far between.
I'm not asking to have those kinds of days everyday, but I question if the foods we eat, the routine we don't have and the lack of simple daily living is affecting me.
I've been inquiring from a lot of people lately about the effects of eating healthy. If you know me, you know that eating healthy is NOT on my priority list. If it looks good, I will eat it. Often I don't put two and two together that when my kids are cranky or when I have a headache or when I have a lack of energy, that it might be contributed to the foods we eat.
But if I have a lack of energy to even cook, how can I have the motivation to cook a whole MEAL, let alone a healthy one? It's a vicious cycle. One I hope to be breaking in the near future.
I so badly want to get this thing under control and feel content with life, even though I know it's ever changing. It's not that I'm not happy with my life, it's that I know I could be happier. And the worst part is, it's all under my control. I wish there was a magic pill that would give me energy, motivation, determination, a sense of healthy living, a set routine, stronger faith, stability, gentleness, patience, higher metabloism ;), desire and self control. Is there such a thing?
I know in time, as this just eats at me, I will have 2 choices - a) do something about it or b) do nothing. Right now I'm in the beginning stages of caring enough to even think about it, so I hope and pray in time I will have the determination to get this all figured out. Surely, going back to bed won't fix anything haha!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Quotation Marks, Please!
I thought I'd post some of my favorite quotes today - it's long, I know, but each and everyone describes some part of me :)
♥ "When you are down to nothing, God is up to something"
♥ "Never argue with an idiot...they'll bring you down to their level, then beat you with experience!"
♥ "God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He DID promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way."
...
♥ "Let go and let God!"
♥ "I will permit this mother to see clearly the things I see... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above it all."
♥ "I love it when I'm done eating a meal because that means I'm that much closer to the next meal!" -Fat pig Stacey
♥ "You suck at the game of life!!!" -Me to Stacey
♥ "God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen"
♥ "God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece."
♥ "God has the right to say 'no' to your prayers, but if you don't pray at all - the answer is ALWAYS no!" -Pastor at FarHills Church
♥ "If going to church makes you a Christian, then does going to the garage make you a car?" -bumper sticker
♥ The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs.
But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Almighty God, you will make it to a place called Success.
♥ "See the problem is God gives men a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time" -Robin Williams
♥ No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.
♥ We may not have it all together; but together we have it all!
♥ All things done in the darkness, will eventually manifest to the light!
♥ Good friends are like stars....You
don't always see them, but you know they are always there!
♥ 'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence.... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'
♥ Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it.
♥ Love all, trust few.
♥ I'll start letting my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up.
♥ "When you are down to nothing, God is up to something"
♥ "Never argue with an idiot...they'll bring you down to their level, then beat you with experience!"
♥ "God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He DID promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way."
...
♥ "Let go and let God!"
♥ "I will permit this mother to see clearly the things I see... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above it all."
♥ "I love it when I'm done eating a meal because that means I'm that much closer to the next meal!" -Fat pig Stacey
♥ "You suck at the game of life!!!" -Me to Stacey
♥ "God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen"
♥ "God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece."
♥ "God has the right to say 'no' to your prayers, but if you don't pray at all - the answer is ALWAYS no!" -Pastor at FarHills Church
♥ "If going to church makes you a Christian, then does going to the garage make you a car?" -bumper sticker
♥ The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs.
But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Almighty God, you will make it to a place called Success.
♥ "See the problem is God gives men a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time" -Robin Williams
♥ No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.
♥ We may not have it all together; but together we have it all!
♥ All things done in the darkness, will eventually manifest to the light!
♥ Good friends are like stars....You
don't always see them, but you know they are always there!
♥ 'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence.... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'
♥ Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it.
♥ Love all, trust few.
♥ I'll start letting my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up.
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