Blame It On The Rain

So I'm going to do exactly that...blame it on the rain!

Rainy days are a sin if you ask me. They cause me to be the worst me. I know everyone says that you chose your attitude, and while that may be correct on a sunny day, on a rainy day, I think it's destined that one would have a crummy attitude. For me at least, that's the case.

I KNOW that when the kids wake me up and it's still dark in my room, and I can't pull myself out of bed, even when it's 9:30am...that it's ALL THE RAINS FAULT!!! I get up, drag my feet, do what I have to do but never with a positive attitude. I hope I'm not in the majority here, but even if I was, it wouldn't change a thing...I still hate rainy days!

I can't go outside and let the kids play, there's no sun shining in my house, my house is normally cold and dark, my energy level plummets, the kids' raise considerably, ugh and the list of bummerisms go on and on. Did I mention I HATE RAINY DAYS?

So, right about now, I'd be thinking of a positive way to end this post...but really I don't think it's possible. So, if I seem a little grouchy...blame it on the rain!

Have a nice day!!!

I Want More of Him!

So, as embarrassing as it is to admit that I haven't always been good at reading the Bible, I do, I admit it! I've hated it, the thought of it. UGH, just thinking about how much it made me cringe, is making me cringe. I really hated the idea of reading a book that I couldn't and didn't understand. And even more upsetting is the fact that I can read something and by the time I'm done, have forgotten everything I read. So reading in general is hard for me, but reading the Bible...c'mon now, no way!

So for months and months now, I've been praying "God please give me the desire to read and know your Word. Help me to read it with the ability to remember what I'm reading, store it, know it and memorize it. Help me to not get confused, but to truly understand!" And that has been the cry of my heart for a long time now. I desperately DO want to read the Bible and know what God says and read about the lives of these amazing people that paved the way for me...so I prayed!

And prayed...and prayed...and prayed...

And before I go on, might I just ever so gently add, how amazing the feeling is when you know and feel that God is working in your life! You might see where this is going now, so I'll just share that after forever of praying for this desire...I finally got it! I can sit down and start somewhere in the Bible and never want to put it down! It's like those freaky people who are addicted to the Twilight series...that's ME with the Bible!!! It feels so good.

It might sound stupid, or like I'm bragging, but I'm not. I just want to share that for so long I've asked for this one thing and now I finally have it! Praise God...He never fails me! He takes his time, he places things in my path (good and bad) so that I may grow and learn and work on myself, so that I can be READY to do His work, it's on HIS timing! It's awesome!

If my life weren't so screwed up right now, I probably wouldn't have received this awesome motivation! I don't know...but I just feel like God placed this desire to read the Bible in my life for NOW, for RIGHT NOW! He knew I needed him, he knew this was the time!

So if you're ever wondering when/if God will ever answer your prayers...know that He did mine, and He can yours too! He's awesome, he's faithful, and he always sees the desires of our hearts!

Unconditional Love

These 2 children are probably highest on the list of the reasons I live! They keep me going and cause me to make the best of my life, for their sake. Never before have I loved someone so unconditionally... I hope that as I teach them and love them and grow them in the Lord, that they will eventually know the concept of unconditional love.

I don't ever want it to be said of me that I did not include the Lord in this time of MY life as well as theirs. They are so pliable and easily teachable right now, that all I can do is pray that I'm doing the right thing with them. There's nothing more precious in life than knowing you are valuable, loved, and highly sought after...by me AND by God. I hope I can take to the grave that I brought my kids up righteously and because of it, they know and seek the Lord!

Despite My Faults

What I know is...

I'm not a good student.
I'm not a good reader.
I'm not a good wife.
I'm not a good cook.
I'm not a great mother.
I stink at housekeeping.
Laundry is my downfall.
I'm not always a good friend.
I'm not a good driver.
I don't take care of my body.
I'm not a good employee.
I'm not a good listener.
I'm not a good leader.
I procrastinate.
I gossip.
I argue over the stupidest things.
I can't stay focused.
I rarely follow a routine.
Overcommitment is my poison.
I'm not a good daughter.
I'm not a good sister.
I'm definitely not a good sister-in-law or daughter-in-law...so I've heard ;)
I don't follow the rules.
I tend to do things my own way.
I'm lazy.
I'm forgetful.
I'm unorganized.
I lack motivation for much of anything.
I have too high of standards.
My expectations are exceeding.
I don't make sense.
And I'm definitely not a good person.

While, most of these things I've heard from friends, family, and the little devil sitting on my shoulder...I KNOW that God sees me as His child. It sounds so silly that I would know these things about myself, and know that I'm going to fail, and know that I will always fall short...but not always believe that He loves me. How can anyone love someone with so many pitfalls? Sometimes it's so hard for me to understand.

The best part of being a child of God, is the part where we just have to give ourselves to Him, repent, and forget. Trusting that He will love us anyways, and listening to His further advice, comfort and word is what can keep us afloat. It's so simple, yet so hard that I can't even allow myself to give in and let Him be in control. All I have to do is acknowledge my faults, allow Him to be in reign over me and following the few simple instructions He gives.

But I think the hardest part of it for me is trusting. If God is above everyone else, omnipresent, most powerful, like none other...than why do I associate my mistrust in others with that of with God's? It's ridiculous, honestly. God has done nothing but prove himself trustworthy, time after time. He IS faithful. He is everything I'm not!

I'm working on my faith, my trust, my hopes...knowing that even if I don't see it in this world, I WILL! I will not give up!!!

La la la la la

How does one overcome extreme amounts of boredom? I often find myself bored out of my mind, yet nothing I do subsides it. I can go places, do things, make things, be creative, whatever, I've probably tried it...but nonetheless, when all is finished, I'm still bored! I don't know if "boredom" is just my response to having absolutely nothing to do or what, but I'm constantly bored if I'm not out and doing something. Am I the only one that suffers from this feeling? I feel like I always need to be doing something.

A friend told me yesterday that I should just slow down and enjoy things. SLOW DOWN? Are you kidding me? That just breeds boredom if you ask me! lol I don't know how to overcome this almost minutely feeling! If you know me and think you could offer some sound advice or suggestions, please do so...cuz even as I sit here writing this, I'm extremely bored out of my stinkin' mind!!!! Yet, here I am! Refreshing my Facebook, Myspace, email, iGoogle (lol), Pure Romance websites, everything...like every 19 seconds! It's so lame! I feel like I should be able to engage and be energized and have a program and or a schedule for my life, where there's little room for me to get "bored"...is this even possible?

I guess I'll keep searching...

Life or Death

Philippians 1:19-21 (New International Reader's Version)

¹⁹ I know that you are praying for me. I also know that the Spirit of Jesus Christ will help me. So no matter what happens, I'm sure I will still be saved. ²⁰ I completely expect and hope that I won't be ashamed in any way. I'm sure I will be brave enough. Now as always Christ will be lifted high through my body. He will be lifted up whether I live or die. ²¹ For me, life finds all of its meaning in Christ. Death also has its benefits.

So, we read this verse today in church and it got me thinking about some personal situations, but also got me thinking about a quote I once read from Rachel's Tears, the story of Rachel Joy Scott who died in Columbine -

"I am not going to apologize for speaking the name of Jesus, I am not going to justify my faith to them, and I am not going to hide the light that God has put in me. If I have to sacrifice everything... I will."

- Rachel Scott

If we truly love God, have Him in our hearts, believe in His every word, trust Him, know Him, have faith in Him, truly, 100%, then we too should be able to make the stand, just as these measly 2 people have. We should be able to stand in front of a crowd of vultures, ready to devour us, and proclaim that WE have the Lord's love and protection. That no matter WHAT happens to us, through life or death, we stand for Him.

But sometimes, it's so hard. Our Pastor today mentioned that sometimes we don't want Jesus to come, simply because we're comfortable. Ugh, how sad is that? I surely don't want to be the one saying "oh nah, come another day Lord, today I'm busy!" That just makes me cringe, because why would I, amongst this world of pain and suffering, (even if I DO want to live to see my kids get married and have grandchildren desperately) tell Him to wait? Life will be so much more rewarding in Heaven, surely I can give up these tiny little events of this worldly life if it means I get to see my Savior! Right? That should be our goal, to see His face...not to idolize over these other things. Sometimes I get so distracted with wanting these other things, that I lose sight of my real desire - to be with Him for eternity. So my goal is to find ways, everyday, to keep focused.

I pray that I would also, like Paul and Rachel, have the courage to make the stand!

Excuse me, butler, where art thou?

I've had some food for thought lately and thought I'd share. I went to a Bible Study Wednesday and we were talking about how we as humans tend to only run to God when we need Him and ask for help only when we need it, but forget to thank Him when times are going well. The teacher said "God is NOT your butler!" You can't say God do this, but don't do that...be in control of this area of my life, but leave me alone here...God I need you, no I don't! And it's so true, especially for me. I often find myself only praying or coming to God when I'm sad or depressed or need something. I need to remember that God is not my butler and He does not respond on demand. He works on His timing only and He does the work He wants to in me...he controls my life and therefore I cannot boss Him around whenever I feel like it and then be disappointed when He doesn't do what I ask when I ask it!

So that was just something that has been on my heart to share - "God is not our butler!"

I asked, He gave

I ask for strength that I might achieve;
I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for health that I might do great things;
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy;
I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for,
But everything that I hoped for.

Almost despite myself my unspoken prayers were answered;
I am most richly blessed.

Unknown Author

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I love this prayer. It just goes to show that only God knows what you REALLY need; that we can pray day in and day out for the things we want, but He will supply the things we need and in return will be joyously happy with what we get in the end. It's a comforting feeling to know that despite the crazy things I ask for, God knows me well enough to only give me the things that will better my life, not hinder it.

Lately, I feel like my prayers are really working. It's a GREAT comfort to know that I just have to TALK and God answers. It may not always be on my time, or how I'd like it, or what have you, but He hears my cries and listens. I may not even see an answer right away or fully like I expect, but all I need to do is stay persistent and consistent and I will be fulfilled through Christ, and in that, my life will become peaceful.