If you ask me where I stand ...
Deciding you don't want someone in your life any longer, does NOT mean that you somehow are better than them, or that they mean nothing to you. It simply means that, at the stage of life one is in, it is best for their well being, sanity, emotional state, etc, that they remove a person/persons from their life, even if just for a season. I think everyone has the right to defend their lives and state of being by deciding that someone is not good for them and that the relationship is not beneficial for either party. That's fair to me.
I wouldn't want anyone to suffer emotionally or by any other means because they were trying to maintain a relationship with me. If I'm hurting you or you think that my friendship is putting strain on your life, then by all means, please tell me and the hope would be that I would be able to respect that and move on. I don't think that anyone should feel guilty for doing that.
If you ask where I've been ...
I can smell unfaithfulness or lack of trust and loyalty from a mile away anymore. And I really can't handle the emotional stress that those people put in my life, I don't think anyone can, it's hurtful. But I don't think it should get mixed up in translation that separation or time apart from those people should mean that you don't care for them. There are tons of people that I love and REALLY care about, but I know my boundaries must be that they not go near my soul, for my health's sake or vice versa.
If you ask what that means for MY life ...
I'm slowly learning that boundaries are a very good thing. Not everyone should have access to my life, sometimes it's just not healthy. If that means they are upset, angry, hurtful towards you and react to your need for a break in an unkind way, then the reality is that they don't respect your health. You cannot chose the way in which someone else will act, you only can chose how you will REact.
I try to think of everyone as good-willed and well-intentioned. However, when someone doesn't display those qualities, I cannot dwell on that, I will not dwell on that. It is ones own choice to get upset, but I have a family to think about, and they need a healthy wife and mother. If I cannot give them that because someone outside of the home is bringing me down, then I have to make the choice - who am I willing to sacrifice for? My "supposed" friend, or my family?
If you ask my choice ...
World, it will always be my family! So please know that if our time together one day has to end, chances are, I really care for you and hold our memories deep in my heart. Good memories will never be erased but clung onto, it's the unpleasant ones I cannot hold any longer. I'm setting safe boundaries into place, slowly but surely, and I mean to hurt no one, but to live a life of intention with people who build me up and encourage me to lead a life of holiness, ultimately drawing me closer to God. Because that is where I want to be and He is who I want to spend eternity with, never do I need a boundary with Him. Thank goodness!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Love. And Some Other Thoughts.
Cling to those you love.
Forgive those who hurt you.
Let go of wrongs.
See past imperfections.
Don't hold on to the past.
Remember the good.
Allow time for healing.
Love holds all things together.
Where there is no forgiveness, pain cannot mend.
Be sorry for what you've done, not because you got caught.
Never let someone special go.
Take responsibility for your actions.
Don't let anger fester.
Listen to understand.
Let love in.
Receive love, gifts and forgiveness.
Compliment often.
Be sincere.
Authenticity is commendable.
Honesty is appreciated, but sometimes hurtful.
Humility is caring for others more than yourself.
Support is more than giving advice, it's listening.
Think before you speak.
It's not about YOU.
Relationship are not 50/50, they're 100/100.
Give all you have.
Keep nothing for yourself.
Love was meant to be shared, not sealed and hidden.
Forgiveness is for everyone, not just for you so that you may have a clear conscience, but so that you would give the same gift Christ gave you, to others.
Cling to those you love. For love covers all!
Forgive those who hurt you.
Let go of wrongs.
See past imperfections.
Don't hold on to the past.
Remember the good.
Allow time for healing.
Love holds all things together.
Where there is no forgiveness, pain cannot mend.
Be sorry for what you've done, not because you got caught.
Never let someone special go.
Take responsibility for your actions.
Don't let anger fester.
Listen to understand.
Let love in.
Receive love, gifts and forgiveness.
Compliment often.
Be sincere.
Authenticity is commendable.
Honesty is appreciated, but sometimes hurtful.
Humility is caring for others more than yourself.
Support is more than giving advice, it's listening.
Think before you speak.
It's not about YOU.
Relationship are not 50/50, they're 100/100.
Give all you have.
Keep nothing for yourself.
Love was meant to be shared, not sealed and hidden.
Forgiveness is for everyone, not just for you so that you may have a clear conscience, but so that you would give the same gift Christ gave you, to others.
Proverbs 17:9
9 Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.
Leviticus 19:18
18 “‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.
Psalm 133:1
1 How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!
Proverbs 10:12
12 Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.
Matthew 7:12
12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
1 Corinthians 13:5
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Cling to those you love. For love covers all!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Whaddaya know, another struggle!
Is it just me, or does anyone else want to admit that they deal with the issue of sincerity? Seeing it in other people, deciphering if it's authentic or not, striving to always be sincere - I admit, I struggle with this a lot.
I know in general, people as a whole, deal with the inability to figure out who they are, what they believe, what makes them them. And I think, knowing this fact, makes it a lot harder for me to believe, 100%, that someone is sincere in what they say. This is something that has been on my mind a lot lately, and I feel like too often, I'm alone in thinking this way, that maybe it's ME that needs evaluation. While I'm not looking for a pity party, it'd be nice to know I'm not struggling with this by myself.
I feel like I'm constantly asking myself "is that person really my friend, do they really care about me and not their own ambitions, what are their motives?" And while I try not to ponder on this too long, because I feel like people do have good intentions most of the time, I still wonder.
I don't know if it's from the lack of being able to trust, to trust that someone would truly care for me (because I do know that I have a tenancy to think otherwise), or the fact that I've been hurt and let down by sooo many people, that I just can't get past this topic. Whatever it is, the fact of the matter is, I can't let it go and I feel like it just keeps coming back to me time and time again.
I think it's in the genes, but whenever someone compliments me or says they want to hang out or buys me a gift or even conjures up small talk with me, I often feel like it's superficial and fake and that that person has some other goal in mind than getting to know me and nurturing our friendship. I need to get past this, but how?
Take that back, I know how. The problem is implementing it into my life. Knowing and trusting, believing and standing firm on the REAL fact, that fact that GOD loves me and cares for me, IS sincere and will NEVER leave me, will lead me to less of a dependence on the need for these things from others. Even though I believe God intended humans to have strong, close relationships with each other, to pour out our lives with each other and share our struggles, joys and successes, I don't think he meant that we depend on them. I'm still trying to decide where in that I fit, but I think too often on the dependence side.
He's working on me, and really, us all. I pray that everyday I would be able to know that God is sincere in his love for me and be content in just that, not needing anyone else's love, but enjoying it when I do have it. I will just have to trust that people are good intentioned and lean on Him for the rest, because worrying about this is to be too big a burden for one to carry, especially, alone.
I know in general, people as a whole, deal with the inability to figure out who they are, what they believe, what makes them them. And I think, knowing this fact, makes it a lot harder for me to believe, 100%, that someone is sincere in what they say. This is something that has been on my mind a lot lately, and I feel like too often, I'm alone in thinking this way, that maybe it's ME that needs evaluation. While I'm not looking for a pity party, it'd be nice to know I'm not struggling with this by myself.
I feel like I'm constantly asking myself "is that person really my friend, do they really care about me and not their own ambitions, what are their motives?" And while I try not to ponder on this too long, because I feel like people do have good intentions most of the time, I still wonder.
I don't know if it's from the lack of being able to trust, to trust that someone would truly care for me (because I do know that I have a tenancy to think otherwise), or the fact that I've been hurt and let down by sooo many people, that I just can't get past this topic. Whatever it is, the fact of the matter is, I can't let it go and I feel like it just keeps coming back to me time and time again.
I think it's in the genes, but whenever someone compliments me or says they want to hang out or buys me a gift or even conjures up small talk with me, I often feel like it's superficial and fake and that that person has some other goal in mind than getting to know me and nurturing our friendship. I need to get past this, but how?
Take that back, I know how. The problem is implementing it into my life. Knowing and trusting, believing and standing firm on the REAL fact, that fact that GOD loves me and cares for me, IS sincere and will NEVER leave me, will lead me to less of a dependence on the need for these things from others. Even though I believe God intended humans to have strong, close relationships with each other, to pour out our lives with each other and share our struggles, joys and successes, I don't think he meant that we depend on them. I'm still trying to decide where in that I fit, but I think too often on the dependence side.
He's working on me, and really, us all. I pray that everyday I would be able to know that God is sincere in his love for me and be content in just that, not needing anyone else's love, but enjoying it when I do have it. I will just have to trust that people are good intentioned and lean on Him for the rest, because worrying about this is to be too big a burden for one to carry, especially, alone.
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