Whaddaya know, another struggle!

Is it just me, or does anyone else want to admit that they deal with the issue of sincerity? Seeing it in other people, deciphering if it's authentic or not, striving to always be sincere - I admit, I struggle with this a lot.

I know in general, people as a whole, deal with the inability to figure out who they are, what they believe, what makes them them. And I think, knowing this fact, makes it a lot harder for me to believe, 100%, that someone is sincere in what they say. This is something that has been on my mind a lot lately, and I feel like too often, I'm alone in thinking this way, that maybe it's ME that needs evaluation. While I'm not looking for a pity party, it'd be nice to know I'm not struggling with this by myself.

I feel like I'm constantly asking myself "is that person really my friend, do they really care about me and not their own ambitions, what are their motives?" And while I try not to ponder on this too long, because I feel like people do have good intentions most of the time, I still wonder.

I don't know if it's from the lack of being able to trust, to trust that someone would truly care for me (because I do know that I have a tenancy to think otherwise), or the fact that I've been hurt and let down by sooo many people, that I just can't get past this topic. Whatever it is, the fact of the matter is, I can't let it go and I feel like it just keeps coming back to me time and time again.

I think it's in the genes, but whenever someone compliments me or says they want to hang out or buys me a gift or even conjures up small talk with me, I often feel like it's superficial and fake and that that person has some other goal in mind than getting to know me and nurturing our friendship. I need to get past this, but how?

Take that back, I know how. The problem is implementing it into my life. Knowing and trusting, believing and standing firm on the REAL fact, that fact that GOD loves me and cares for me, IS sincere and will NEVER leave me, will lead me to less of a dependence on the need for these things from others. Even though I believe God intended humans to have strong, close relationships with each other, to pour out our lives with each other and share our struggles, joys and successes, I don't think he meant that we depend on them. I'm still trying to decide where in that I fit, but I think too often on the dependence side.

He's working on me, and really, us all. I pray that everyday I would be able to know that God is sincere in his love for me and be content in just that, not needing anyone else's love, but enjoying it when I do have it. I will just have to trust that people are good intentioned and lean on Him for the rest, because worrying about this is to be too big a burden for one to carry, especially, alone.