Issues With Stages

When I sat down and wanted to write tonight, I was so upset! Feelings of betrayal and hurt, and confusion all set in and I just wanted to complain about how pissed I was. If there's any a time when I wanted to hurt someone OTHER than my husband, tonight's the night lol! So I sat down, and started writing, however after not even 5 minutes found myself being a victim. Why do people always let me down? Why do I always end up getting hurt? Why are people so backstabbing? And while I'd love to turn this around into a story of how amazing God is and how He is none of those things, I am still human and hurt. So while I won't bash this person, or these people shall I say, I am going to state that I am very upset and disappointed! Not all people are trustworthy and worth my effort!

Here are some readings I found that are helping encourage and teach me as I walk through learning how to take the steps of friendship and not allowing myself to get hurt -

A good friend is the person
who gives you the better of the two choices.
Holds your hand when you're scared.
Helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you.
Thinks of you at times when you are not there.
Reminds you of what you have forgotten.
Helps you put the past behind you but understands
when you need to hold on to it a little longer.
Stays with you so that you have confidence.
Goes out of their way to make time for you.
Helps you clear up your mistakes.
Helps you deal with pressure from others.
Smiles for you when they are sad.
Helps you become a better person.
However most importantly loves you!

As relationships develop, they penetrate deeper and deeper into private and personal matters. This exposes vulnerabilities, so trust has to be developed along the way.

1. Orientation stage. Here, we play safe with small talk and simple, harmless clichés like ‘Life’s like that’, following standards of social desirability and norms of appropriateness.

2. Exploratory affective stage. We now start to reveal ourselves, expressing personal attitudes about moderate topics such as government and education. This may not be the whole truth as we are not yet comfortable to lay ourselves bare. We are still feeling our way forward. This is the stage of casual friendship, and many relationships do not go past this stage.

3. Affective stage. Now we start to talk about private and personal matters. We may use personal idioms. Criticism and arguments may arise. There may be intimate touching and kissing at this stage.

4. Stable stage. The relationship now reaches a plateau in which personal things are shared and each can predict the emotional reactions of the other person.

OR another (easier) way to explain it -

Introduction Stage

The first stage is the introduction stage. This is the time when they formally meet for the first time. They make contact during an event such as in the bleachers of a football game or during an ice breaker at a church event. They shake hands, engage in light superficial conversation and begin sizing up each other to see if they have anything in common and have compatible likes and dislikes.

The Acquaintance Stage

The next step in the progression toward solid friendship is the acquaintance stage. In this part, the two or three begin to hang out with each other. Instead of bumping into each other at the party or the school football game, they make plans to meet each other. The two or three actively seek out time with each other. In this time period, the would-be friends may start going a little deeper in conversation, but mostly they will stay on comfortable or generally surface-type topics.

The Friendship Stage

The third stage is the friendship stage. The two or three have been hanging out with each other for some time. They enjoy each others' company; eat lunch together during break or recess, and begin delving into stickier issues. If they have mild conflict, their relationship is solid enough to weather the storm and rebound; it is certainly not the end of the world.

The Intimate Relationship Stage

In friendship, true intimacy comes when the participants feel free to be completely transparent with the other(s). They are not afraid to be open and honest and are always secure in the relationship. Each one knows that there is a deep connection and there is no fear of judgment. If one or the other feels compelled to offer constructive criticism, the recipient does not mind because they know that their friend offers the advice with the best of intentions. A t this stage, the relationship can weather just about any conflict or personal storm because it is characterized by an ever-abiding, unconditional love.

So those are just a couple things I found...encouraging to me, hopefully helpful to someone else as well! I'll end with this -

"Make new friends, but keep thee old, one is silver and the other gold"